Saturday Afternoon Wrestling

In this week’s installment, Dustin takes a look at the 1996 matchup between Goldust and a emerging star known as the Undertaker.

For this second installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling we have a classic 1996 matchup between the Undertaker and Goldust. The Undertaker was in the middle of his first ascent to the top of the then WWF and Goldust, son of Dusty Rhodes and brother of current WWE star Cody Rhodes (who probably couldn’t be happier that he missed the Goldust gimmick) who at the time was a major player in the WWF universe.

0:00- Goldust is already in the ring, things are probably better this way as his entrance includes far more gold, shimmying and sexual tension than any wrestling fan can likely muster.

0:02- Did you hear that? That toll can only mean one thing: the Undertaker is on his way to the ring, surely ready to kick some ass; even the announcers can’t contain their excitement.

0:20- Still no sign of the Deadman, lights are still out, but at least the announcers have driven home the stipulation that the match can only end in an pinfall; I was a little unsure the first two times.

0:35- Any second now.

0:44- There he is! Not quite in the ring yet but we have got a visual on the Undertaker now.

1:01- Finally in the ring, Taker decides the time is right to bring the lights back up with his otherworldliness. We are officially 1/13 through this match and the second competitor just got to the ring, must be a sign of good things.

1:12- Boom. See, Undertaker making up for time lost by punching Goldust right in his mouth before the bell has even rung.

1:15-1:30- We get some early establishment that the Undertaker is in fact, way stronger than Goldust as he whips him back and forth like Willow Smith’s hair before lifting him by his throat and dropping him on his back.

1:41- Have you ever seen such a dramatic leg drop? Yes, you say, well an 11-second build up suggests otherwise.

1:44- Whoa! Early attempt at a pin here, Undertaker nearly gets him too.

1:49-2:03- Nevermind about making fun of Goldust for his glitter and shimmying; do you see that chick Marlene smoking that cigar casually in all gold? Damn, well, clearly Goldust does too. Good thing Undertaker is there to remind him of the task at hand by dragging him back up onto the ring, again by his head.

2:08-2:15- Some signs of life from ol’ Goldust here as he buys himself some time for Marlene to walk over and slap Taker while the ref’s back just happens to be turned. I call foul play!

2:15-2:25- Nothing gives a man renewed confidence like his girl attacking a giant man known as “the Phenom” that he’s supposed to be fighting.

2:30-2:40- And nothing kills that confidence like that terrifying man doing something terrifying like that.

2:40-3:12-Some general displays of dominance from the Undertaker, followed by another close pinfall.

3:20-4:00- Does anyone else get chills when the Undertaker gets up on the top rope and you realize he’s done this his entire career? No? Well, yeah, me neither….

4:15-5:18- Uh oh, here goes Marlene again, getting Goldust some well, gold dust to throw in the Undertaker’s face so Goldust can even feel like he has a slight chance. Also, kudos to the announcers for catching me up to speed on the Undertaker’s vision being impaired because his rolling around on the floor and clutching his eyes, followed by throwing punches at the hair just didn’t click.

5:20-5:50- Goldust on the offensive here and it’s really comical how much the announce team is selling his strikes on the Undertaker. What looks like a limp-wristed slap is made to sound like he’s clobbering Taker to next Tuesday.

5:55-6:30- With a few more hits to the Undertaker, Marlene has time to flip the audience the bird as she puffs her cigar and Goldust shimmy’s in the ring for the audience.

6:30-6:35- It’s funny that as Vince McMahon reminds us that this match is no DQ and no count-out, Goldust has to bring Undertaker into the ring to stop the ref’s 10-count. Continuity is a marvelous thing.

6:55- Another near fall, but this time it’s Goldust pinning the Deadman. Has the momentum fully swung?

7:05-7:30- Looks like it sure has, Goldust seems to be in complete control here.

7:35- Scratch that.

7:55-8:16- Looks like Goldust here does have a breaking point, beneath the rugged tough exterior, he’s not as cool and composed as you’d think.

8:22-8:40- “What is that, a smother?” No, it’s a good old fashioned hair pull.

8:42-9:07- Some more of Goldust on the offensive, punctuated with a swift kick to the Deadman’s nuts. Once again, the ref unaware thanks to the cigar-puffing Goldust digger at ringside.

9:08-9:31- Well, it looks like this is the end, Goldust has Taker right where he wants him and is showboating like he’s about to hit him with his finisher.

9:33-10:07- Once again, Undertaker proves me wrong, unleashing a flurry of punches. Unfortunately for him, it’s short lived and Goldust takes the upper hand with a body slam and another near fall.

10:15-10:40- He always sits up. Like death and taxes, the Undertaker will always sit up and when he does, it’s never good.

10:40-10:50- A turnbuckle cam?! Now I’ve seen everything.

10:51-11:05- Just when he thinks he’s going to finally put this match away with a top-rope maneuver, Goldust is once again thwarted by the Undertaker with one of his finishing moves, the chokeslam, from the top rope.

11:08-11:40- Like Cameron likes to say when we play one-on-one basketball, the Undertaker decides it’s time to “Put this to bed” and promptly adds insult to injury with the tombstone piledriver. Taker gets the win and the crowd rejoices.

11:40-End- The rest of this video is literally the Undertaker celebrating his win in the center of the ring. He just sort of stands around and poses, leading to the lights once again dimming and finishing his transformation into one of the heavyweights of the WWF.

 

Thanks for checking out this week’s installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling. Have a classic match that you’d like to see us feature in a future installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling? Let us know in the comments section or on Facebook or Twitter!

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