Saturday Afternoon Wrestling

This week Cameron looks at the 1994 Survivor Series casket match between The Undertaker and Yokozuna. This one features special-celebrity ringside referee, Chuck Norris. Yes, like Walker, Texas Ranger Chuck Norris.

0:00-0:58 – Oh shit! The man, the myth, the beard, Chuck Norris. All I’m saying is that if I were a betting man (which I am) whomever’s side he’s on, that most likely is the winning side.

0:59-1:26 – Did you see those fireworks ? You think that those were already set to go off or that’s just what happens when Norris enters a room.

1:27-1:45 – No one will ever answer the challenge of Chuck Norris, because you’re dead before you even have the chance to respond.

2:19 – “Let’s jump to the interesting part with Chuck Norris,” whoever made this video, I like their style.

2:23-2:27 – Norris looking cool.

2:27-2:47 – King Kong Bundy comes down the ramp and Norris could give a shit less. It doesn’t matter how big you are son, Norris will end you.

2:47-3:04 – Still Bundy is trying to coax Norris into striking first, what he doesn’t understand is that you never see when Norris strikes, you only die. Hey! there is a match going on and it seems the Undertaker and Yokozuna are duking it out in a Casket match.

3:06-3:24 – Oh snap it’s Bam Bam Bigelow. Another big ass man, and again Norris just does not give a crap, he knows what he’s getting into. It is Bundy and Bigelow that have not a clue.

3:24-3:33 – Just watch that zoom in on Norris’s face, again, he just doesn’t give a crap. He is a tornado and a hurricane all combined into one body of destruction.

3:39-4:15 – Hey kids, It’s I.R.S, one of the most boring WWE superstars of all-time. Oh, and the worst finisher of all-time, the sleeper hold. Fuck this guy.

4:15-4:21 – So I guess all that stuff I said about Norris earlier about him not giving a shit. Well ya, he was not giving a shit in another way because Undertaker just found his ass getting dumped into a coffin.

4:42-5:01 – The consequences of weighing a solid 500-pounds ? You fall flat on your fat ass when you’re trying something as easy as getting up. Yokozuna everyone, one of the most famous and worst wrestlers of all-time.

5:25-5:39 – Yet again, the only thing that cost Yoko this match, aside from it being scripted that way, was the fact that his short little fat-man-T-Rex-arms couldn’t close the coffin in time.

5:39 – In classic Undertaker form he grabs a bitch by the throat.

5:56-6:02 – So someone finally crosses the line on Norris and his ass gets kicked so hard he flips over on his head. I’m absolutely ecstatic about this because it’s that ass-clown  Jeff Jarrett who gets hit chest kicked out of his ass.

6:05-6:20 – Undertaker as usual is kicking ass, and all I can think about is the factor that I need some sweet ass purple gloves and boots.

6:50-6:58 – Undertaker big-boots Yoko’s ass into the coffin then snaps the Japanese flag in half. Classic Undertaker, he truly is an American Bad Ass.

7:49-7:53 – Is that a little fear in Norris’s eyes that I see, maybe someone was a little afraid of the Undertaker ? Probably not. He is the Alpha and Omega, he is, Chuck Norris.

 

 

 

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