The Never-ending Onslaught of Nicolas Cage- by Dustin Brewer

After the release of the trailer for the new movie “Stolen,” Dustin takes a look at Nicolas Cage’s relentless attack on movie-goers.

Is there anything Nicolas Cage can’t do? He’s already won a HefferBrew “Crappy Actor Showdown” and now he’s back, strongly staking his claim as a repeat winner.

This is the trailer for his newest movie, “Stolen.” It seems to be “Taken” lite and follows Cage as a reformed criminal out of jail who finds his old partner has “Stolen” his daughter in an attempt to claim his half of their last haul before Cage got thrown in the slammer.

In this bind, Cage finds himself attempting to somehow “Steal” money to pay off his supposed debt so he can rescue his daughter. That the daughter happens to have a Justin Bieber haircut and seemingly hates him, makes one wonder what Cage’s motivation is.

Also complicating things are cops hot on his trail, desperate to throw him back in the big house because they don’t believe he’s reformed or remorseful for his crimes.

The trailer, if you’d rather call it as opposed to a cruel practical joke, contains virtually everything you’ve come to expect from a Nic Cage movie. He runs on top of cars, he breaks his way out of captivity, he drives while talking on the phone, hell, he even stands with his arms out moving in a circle of grief. Taking the cake though, is the narration near the end of the trailer that recaps all of the events as if the first minute of trailer never happened. It’s even in that great movie-man trailer voice from the 90s.

If it looks more familiar to you than you think, then you have got a good eye and have seen far too many Nicolas Cage movies in your day. I both respect and pity you for this accomplishment, welcome to the club.

The story in this movie plays like a dysfunctional cousin to the “Gone in 60 Seconds” remake Cage starred in back in 2000. Down to the cops on his trail and his need to return to a life of crime in order to pay off a debt that has a member of his family in direct danger.

“Stolen” also continues an unprecedented streak of films Cage is currently riding. From 2010 to now, he has released a staggering 8 movies counting the upcoming “Stolen,” and he also has two more scheduled to release before the end of this year, or the world if you believe those Mayans.

The list of movies Cage has made is as follows;

  • Kick-Ass
  • The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
  • Season of the Witch
  • Drive Angry
  • Trespass
  • Seeking Justice and
  • Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance

There’s one movie on this list that you should be able to enjoy proudly and free of ridicule (hint: it’s Kick Ass) and even that came before the rest. Suggesting that this Academy-Award winning actor still has it in him to pick a good script. The problem is he is steeped in debt after some bad business moves and being screwed over by shady lawyer types who mismanaged his funds.

With that in mind, it’s time to settle in and get comfortable because these movies aren’t going to stop. Nic Cage has bills to pay and clearly nothing is sacred when you’ve got collectors breathing down your neck.

By the looks of things, Nicolas Cage is just getting started.

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