After getting caught up in the start of NFL and NCAA football, Dustin delivers the new Saturday Afternoon Wrestling and looks at an ECW match against Kane in the debacle of a career for the wrestler known as “The Boogeyman.”
First and foremost, our apologies for the delay, this is Saturday Afternoon Wrestling (Late Sunday Night/Early Monday Morning) because let’s face it, football is now up and running and we here at HefferBrew got just as caught up in it as sports fans everywhere.
Now that that’s out of the way, tonight we’re going to take a look at an ECW (the WWE-owned one) match between Kane and the Boogeyman.
0:00- 0:30- I always wonder to myself how Kane feels wresting under the heading ‘Big Red Monster’ and using the gimmick of being an outcast freak his entire career whether he’s wearing a mask or not. That has to be at least a little bit of a bummer night in and night out.
0:31- 0:55- Can we get on with the match? Is the Josh Matthews/Matt Striker “See No Evil” Kane strokefest over? I sincerely doubt that “See No Evil” is the most psychologically scarring and terrifying film you’ve ever seen so shut up and call the match you clowns.
0:56- 1:04- Never not creepy- Glen “Kane” Jacobs everybody. I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see him on a date.
1:05- 2:04- Let me take a second and explain why this could be the number one thing you could never, ever pay me to do. I don’t care how much money you offer, I don’t care if women secretly love it, nothing in this world or any other could ever convince me that crawling around on all fours and eating worms for shock value is anything but embarrassing. “The Boogeyman” hailing from ‘the bottomless pit’ is not a figment of your imagination; it’s the WWE equivalent of that dude on the corner of your street spinning signs.
2:04-2:07- Even Kane agrees with me.
2:08- 2:38- A solid :30 seconds here of what appears to be Kane looking in confusion and trying to seem intimidated but realizing that there’s really no way he could ever be afraid of this man.
2:40- 3:06- The obvious size advantage works for Kane and he’s able to generally just ragdoll Boogeyman around before going for a quick cover. The announcers say this is out of respect for Boogeyman’s strength, I argue that Kane just really wants a shower.
3:07- 3:28- Kane tries to put ol’ Boogeyman away with a clothesline off the top rope but Boogeyman is able to duck it and looks to take advantage and try to mount some offense.
3:29- 3:36- Boogeyman is actually building some momentum here, the only thing that could possibly stop him is…
3:37- A bigass boot to the face from Kane.
3:38- 4:00- The most interesting part of this portion of match is the commentators trying to compare Kane and Boogeyman to snakes and alligators in that their quick attacks can startle you, there’s a reason ECW got axed folks.
4:01- 4:10- What Boogeyman is thinking right now: “I’m going to climb this rope, hammerfist Kane, get the victory and eat a handful of worms so this crowd will cheer and respect me, this is going to be awesome.”
4:11- 4:19- What Kane is thinking right now: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO YOU’RE NOT!” And with a vicious chokeslam, Kane claims the victory.
4:20- End- A few more references to Kane’s role in “See No Evil” for good measure as well as a replay of the chokeslam send Kane on his way up the ramp to presumably stand in the back and talk to other wrestlers like a creepy uncle while Boogeyman continues to writhe in agony and reflect on his life choices.
Thank you for joining us for this week’s (albeit late) installment of Saturday Afternoon Wrestling, check back next week and stay tuned to www.hefferbrew.com for all new articles, podcasts and more.