The Wildest Fake Movie Trailer You’ve Ever Seen… For A Concert Tour

By Cameron Heffernan

The Carters, Jay-Z and Beyonce, are doing a married couples concert tour. This is the video for their announcement.

Putting aside the recent news of elevator scuffles with step-siblings/siblings, the Carters (Jay-Z and Beyonce) released a fake movie trailer for their upcoming tour, together, cause logically collecting all the money in the world makes sense.

The tour will feature the super-couple¬†doing an 85-minute rendition of their pre-marriage hit, “’03 Bonny and Clyde”, off of Jay-Z’s the Blueprint 2. As well as an on-stage shaming of Solange Knowles, for striking a high ranking Illuminati official, like Jay.

All kidding aside, this video is re-god-damn-diculous. First off it stars a litany of “celebrities”, I use quotes, cause this list reads like a varitable buffet of actors that Jay and ‘Yonce found begging for something to possibly reinstate their reputations.

Sean Penn, Jake¬†Gyllenhaal (looking like a deranged drug peddling/kid molesting homeless man), Emmy Rossum, Don Cheadle, Guillermo Diaz (Scarface from Half Baked…. Yes, that same dude, seems to be the antagonist in this tale of love, betrayal, prostitution, drug peddling, and Jake Gyllenhaal looking like a 13th century rapist), Rashida and Kidada Jones. And of course, rounding out this shit-heap of terrible actors, Blake Lively. Also, I’m sure your first complaint was, “Sean Penn is a great actor! You’re crazy! And Stupid ! And Fat!.” While some of those are true, won an Oscar for Milk or not, Sean Penn is an asshole and a terrible actor (and a woman beater. Can’t forget that).

Check out the video and tell us what your thoughts on it are in the comments. All I gathered was guns; strippers; guns, again; Beyonce may be a prostitute; guns; Jay-Z, as always, is a drug dealer… But so is Don Cheadle, I really don’t know; more guns; an elevator; and guns. It’s all very cool. I’m kidding, it’s like they hired a director that had just seen his first Tarantino movie and was like, “I have to be just like this!”. Just like the other 35,000 people that have that same thought the first time they see Reservoir Dogs.

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