An Open Letter To America

Image: Huffingtonpost

Image: Huffingtonpost

Take a deep breath.

Do you smell that smoggy, wonderful smell? Can you hear the sirens in the distance, singing their songs of warning in the crisp night air? Take a bite out of a stick of butter, that’s decadent beyond belief isn’t it?

What you are hearing, smelling and tasting – is America. Arguably the best place to be on this floating space rock we call Earth. We are the land of the free, home of the Dodger Dog, mother of the Internet and refuge to people from all walks of life.

Honestly, and from the point of view of a 26 year old white male, America is a land of wide open possibilities and freedom to do almost anything you want, just as long as you don’t infringe of someone’s rights while exercising your own. Seems simple enough to me. After all, I’ve never been turned down for a job because of the color of my skin or an accent on my English, I never get pulled over, I’m engaged to a lovely woman and not one person or entity has tried to meddle with our plans.

But what if I’m wrong and am actually some quasi-minority?

It seems every morning as I read the news sites and drink my coffee there are more and more stories about public distrust in law enforcement being at an all time high, everyday people not being able to find a job, or marry someone they love, or some racist idiot in the headlines because he killed some kids over a parking space. What the hell America!?

It’s crazy to me that race is still such an issue in this country. Sure, we (white people) really fucked up in the beginning. Slavery was (and is) terrible and nothing can ever fix our scarred history, but we are so far removed from that generation of people that it doesn’t even make sense to me. Aside from some slack-jawed rednecks, I think the majority of Americans (not just white people) would like to put this to bed. I think even labeling people in subclasses like “African American” is stupid. Do you really think the average black person identifies with Africa as their home? I doubt it. They are simply American. There is no dual citizenship in play, or some cool Premier Membership plan, just regular citizens who happen to be a different shade of tan and pay their dues like anyone else does. Maybe I’m crazy. I just know that when I get cut off on the freeway by someone, I don’t check to see if they are a white asshole or a black asshole – they are just some asshole that cut me off. I guess the bright side here is that an entire generation of bitter old people will be dying off in the next 10 years which makes way for younger voters and people in general to even out the odds and make an impact towards moving forward instead of living in the past.

Which brings me to my next point, if you love someone – marry him or her. Or don’t, that’s also your choice, but it should be no one else’s business what a person does with their love life or who that person decides to spend their days with. If someone wants to marry their best friend, they should have every right to do so. It doesn’t hurt anyone else, “God” wont rip open the skies, and I promise you – your kids will not somehow be turned gay if they go to school with a child that has two dads or moms. Kids have no clue and are blissfully happy just being able to go home to someone that cares for them, regardless of their sexual preference.

Out of curiosity, do you know how many kids are in need of a permanent home or adoption in our fare America? You don’t? Well, the number is floating around 400,000 children – just in our country – that are in need of a stable and loving home. Now, I’m not a scientist, but most same-sex couples can’t make their own babies – which is uniquely perfect in this situation. If two people are stable and want to have children, but are otherwise unable to make that a reality in a conventional sense, adoption and fostering are amazing alternate options. Even if you can make your own babies, adopt your second or third. You don’t really need 3 biological kids anyway.

If you are still reading these ramblings, I will leave you with a final thought or three:

Avoid the police – Everyone, people of all colors, are getting shot or beaten these days.

Enjoy the little things – If that’s holding a beautiful persons hand, smoking a doobie with your pals or even finding a Twinkie in your pantry, enjoy the hell out of it.

Vote – Sure its tedious and most the of the issues are spun up in expensive webs, but I’m not down with 1984


– by GM.


“Hey, It Came Out”: The Interview

On this day, terrorism, communism (the bad kind) and all the terrible ‘isms there may be, have lost. Freedom rings true with the release of The Interview.



Just when you thought all the horrible things in this world had won. Sony has realized the err of their ways and decided on the side of Liberty. Continue reading

A New Leaf For HefferBrew

By HefferBrew


We here at HefferBrew realize that we’ve really fallen off the face of the earth.

Unfortunately, running something like this – with jobs in the industry already – it’s been more tedious than usual to keep our site updated (who wants to write for fun when your actual job is writing, ya know?). We realize that not all, but a select few, may like to frequent our site for humorous evaluations of the top stories in sports, entertainment and sports entertainment (Wrasslin if you’re nasty), and we’ve failed them.

We realize that the Undertaker’s undefeated Wrestlemania streak was defeated,and now sits at 21-1.  We also recognize that we dropped the ball with reactions to this. We will do better. Besides, we all know it wasn’t supposed to happen like that and we need to rest in a corner, sobbing like the children we are.

We also realize, the NBA Playoffs have begun – and as we like to consider ourselves NBA aficionados – we will return to our usual, rigorous coverage  starting next week.

In fact that’s what this sort of, “mission statement,” is.

We’re sorry and we’re going to try our best to be a top-notch site that the masses can go to for humorous evaluation of sports, entertainment and sports entertainment.

Also, we realize there has been a metric shit-ton of movies that have released and the only one we’ve covered is LEGO Movie. So here’s a quick rundown of some movies that we’ve seen.


Grand Budapest Hotel: If you’ve ever wanted to see Wes Anderson out of the box, this is it. It’s still very Wes Anderson-y, but with a lot of violence.



Ride Along: Kevin Hart can literally do anything right now and it will open strong at the box office, his following is loyal and he seems to be in a zone right now, whoever thought of pairing him with Ice Cube for a buddy-cop comedy should be given a pay raise. Ice Cube even looks right at the camera and says “I gotta say, today was a good day.”

Frozen: Don’t be shocked when Disney announces a spin-off starring Olaf the Snowman. That thing was adorable. The rest of the movie, while I’m not the likely demographic (over a billion in box office grosses and the title of “highest grossing animated film ever” will attest to that) there’s been better recent additions to the animation genre.

Need for Speed: So you’re telling me that I don’t get a “Fast & Furious” movie until 2015, but in its’ place I get Aaron Paul starring as a con driving across country in a modded out Mustang that goes 234mph in a film in which all the car chases/stunts/crashes are 100% real. That’s a fair trade if I’ve ever heard one so turn your brain off and have two hours of fun.

Her: I’m so glad Joaquin Phoenix dropped the live-art performance thing he was doing where he pretended to be starting a rap career. In “Her” he carries the majority of the movie sharing the screen with only the voice of Scarlett Johansson and he does so with such ease, making you fully believe and feel for his character. More important than that, he sells you entirely on the plot, no matter how out there it gets from the get-go.

We Jump On The Protest Bandwagon – By HefferBrew

Happy Fourth of July fellow Americans. We had no idea how to go about this protest properly, and we really didn’t feel like applying ourselves. Instead, we put up a picture of a protest, wished you a happy fourth and told the government to go “F” itself. Merry America Day everyone, drink, be merry and do it all responsibly.


The Great Britney Debate – By Cameron Heffernan and J

Late on a Thursday night my friend and I got into an exchange over the relevancy of Britney Spears. This all stemmed from the news that the Mars Volta, still beloved by him, and once beloved by me, had broken up.


Continue reading